Why Go Through This

There’s every side of human
There will be the time
When everything seems so right yet so wrong
It goes well according to plan
Going through this way in this exact time
Then there it is
The stony road that makes you wonder about your next step
It’s not just the stone
It’s your shield you use to cover
Somehow you keep on going when you know you have to stop
Just going on barefoot and let everyone sees
A couple more steps and you reach there
Buying a new shield to cover again
But again, there’s no enough asset in your pocket to cover everything you want
You need extra shield and your objective
It’s just never enough
At this point making an option is the way
But you have to have everything
So just take what’s enough you can take
Eventhough it’s not the best
Eventhough it’s not what you’ve been dreaming of
Just wanna grab them and leave
Then finally you reach there
There, some where safe and you know everything will be okay started from there
And you begin to wonder again
Why go through this???

People I Know

Someone whom I thought I knew
Someone who always tries to satisfy others but not to self
Seeing it deeper then it’s a haze
Trying to catch it and I did
Holding up to it and I lost it
Wishing it to come back and I failed
So I let go till the regret comes
Someone who is growing to learn how to love
My first person I can call friend
Having the same way of thinking
Can’t lose it but time will tell
Someone who’s always in a mess over life drama
Trying to keep up with it eventhough it’s tiring just a moment
Give it a cheer but it never sees
Being with it for all the moments
Hoping it will be ready when I’m gone
Someone who lives in the comfort of egotism
Giving my best to understand what’s behind
Being different in acceptance because I know better
Getting myself cursed because I know the difference
Liking it more than enough because it doesn’t fade and be still
Someone who has the standard of being normal
Being carried around by person to me
So I guess it was fate
Didn’t know it much but know it enough
Someone who recognizes the craziness in me
Would be my first person having real conversation
Hanging around with it less
But somehow we both know that we can be closer
Someone who is lost in the world of kids and now-age
Not really close with it
Until the last minute,
Getting closer and know it better
These are the people I know
These are my friends

Even If I Say This

I left my words being kept in my thoughts
Putting it all in a cage so it will be secured from you
Taming myself to absorb steadiness
Then I realize
I still want to be in this fight
I still want to be part of it
Just a few more moments
I promise I won’t be long
Let me fight
And let me through
Not with my words
But with your heart
Don’t ask me what you should do
Because I’m still in my consciousness not to be selfish
I want to be selfish
But I want it your way
Spare me the reverse questions
And let me let you leading the way
But if this silence keeps surrounding us
Then I’ve got nothing left to lose
Even if I say this

Why Bother

Why desperate to grab all the questions
If lies are all given out
Why wanting all the attentions
If nothing is all wanted to be heard
Why showing, crying, depressing
If self defense is the only one thing that couldn’t be done
Why letting people take control over life
If blaming and cursing is the best fight that could be given
Why blaming, cursing
If being hurt is to be felt at last
Why still pretending, acting
If bad scenario ending has been bared in mind
Why not being blind
If you can choose to see with heart
Why bother?
Some say it is love
Some say it is stupid
I’ll say…why bother?

Final Examination

Change all those routines
Just for this day
Making self to rest
Obscurity is waiting to be lighted up
Here comes the sun light
Brings up the mood back to mind
I’m awake
It’s just the tense that bothers me
Change this frame of mind
Just another compulsory motion to do
Take a few steps back from those creatures
Ambitious living creature is what I call them
Too hard of trying
Too easy for messing up
There comes the thought(s)
What are they doing that for?
What are they trying to proof?
Where will they bring it later?
Can plates and all the equipments be put inside the grave?
Maybe they won’t feel so lonely after all
Ask me if they are any good
I might know one perfect word to answer
It’s just my ego
Comparing to their egos
For this time
For this final examination

Just another Life

It’s okay if it has to end
There’s nothing to remember
Nothing to be sad for
I’m leaving for good
Leaving for a new phase
Jumping to a fresh start
This excitement and scared feelings
What do they call that?
Then there are the what-if’s start bugging
What about them?
What about it?
It’s not the impact I bring to them
It’s just a human form of saying goodbye
Showing the frown on their faces
Letting out the heartbreaking words
It’s just for a moment
Life goes on
And it’s just another life to end
It’s just another life to start

Sorry For This

This will not be easy
There comes the sarcastic and ignorant you
Just a simple greeting
Takes me hours just to respond back
I come in peace
Thought it would be a different way for us
Think I am wrong
Me with the demands and complications I bring you
You with the ignorant and so-called understand me
We are in different pace now
You can’t be beside me
Maybe it’s me too fast
Maybe it’s me too slow
Or maybe it’s you do not want to be beside me
Thought we were one
But you’re just being unaware
Put me down from you
That way is the best for me to recover from all these hassle
Just for you to wait
Not for you to leave me
I’m sorry for this silence I’m giving you
Doesn’t mean I don’t want to talk to you
Or maybe I am
Offer me some time to take back all my wishes from you
Wait for me showing guilt to you
Then maybe we can be usual again
Me with the curiosity and excitement towards you
You with the awareness of me

So This Is Goodbye

Waiting for that moment to come
The moment is here
It’s not later or then…it’s now
What makes the difference?
This is what things will be from now on
There were you
There are no you
There will be no you
What if there was never me?
What if there will never me?
What could make the difference?
Begging for the word ‘special’
That was easy
Begging for the admittance
That was not easy
Feel this
Just a moment longer
Just a single breath taking
You’ll be gone forever
I’ll be gone forever
So this is goodbye

Quiet - Rachael Yamagata

Baby says I can't come with him
And I had read all of this in his eyes
Long before he even said so
Why go, I asked?
You know, and I know why
And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got hereI don't expect anything
Take care
I've been hurt before
Too much time spent on closing doors
You may hate me, but I'll remember to love you
Goodbye
Don't cry
You know why
And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got hereI don't expect anything
All the waves of blame arrange as broken scenery
As they steal your best memories away
What if I was someone different in your only history?
Would you feel the same
As I walk out the door
Never to see your face again
And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
It'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
I don't expect anything to change when I leave

Life in Disguise - The Slip

Well the world is only a stage
And I'm just a man
With a sound caught in his throat
And a pick in his hand
But when the song comes tumbling out you understand
There's no great demand
Well it's there under your breath, behind your eyes
And you don't have to say nothing cause I realize
That everything somehow in someway eventually dies
It's life in disguise
It's your room and your board and your fireside
It's a shell that's been washed by a million tides
And if you're there you can see just how bright it shines
When there's nobody left in your heart, left in your head
When the whole world has packed up in shadows and left you for dead
When you can't fake a smile and you just can't get out of your bed
When the people you led turn to you looking so hungry and bare
And you were the one that had brought them there

Kamu

Aku tidak apa-apa
Aku baik-baik saja
Kau yang menjauh, aku sudah biasa merasakannya
Kau yang meninggalkan, aku sudah tahu bagaimana melewatinya
Kalau aku bilang aku sudah tidak apa-apa
Maukah kau tetap berdiri di sampingku
Kalau aku bilang aku tidak lagi memiliki sayang
Maukah kau bertarung untukku
Aku tahu aku akan baik-baik saja
Walau hanya hidup dengan harapan-harapan hampa
Aku tahu semuanya akan terbang mengikuti angin
Aku sudah tidak apa-apa
Sungguh aku baik-baik saja
Kau hanya perlu berhenti untuk menatapku dengan cara kau menatapku
Sungguh aku baik-baik saja
Kau hanya perlu menyingkirkan tanganmu dari bahuku
Baumu, angin yang kau bawa, akan selalu ada sebagai kenangan hidupku
Suaramu, senyummu, akan selalu menjadi hal terindah yang pernah aku dengar
Saatnya melepaskan semuanya
Semuanya tentang kamu
Kamu yang terlalu sakit bila kulihat
Kamu yang akan membuatku lebih tegar
Kamu yang akan membuatku baik-baik saja
Kamu
Dan hanya kamu

Drunken Master

Drink up to stay up with the happy thoughts
Just stay lights and unconscious
It’s the cure for the pain
There’s no cure at all till I make the cure
Wish my eyes refused to close
But closing my eyes is all I wanna do
It’s hard and not easy
It’s tiring and not relaxing
Being hurt and sad
Zero people would wanna hear it
Begging them to ask why
Ego is all I could take from them
Hear me out, my friend
Two cans are all inside my stomach
Keeping the alert from my body
Moving my fingers from shifting my head
Things couldn’t be this way
There will be time for me to just close my eyes and be restless
Running to the other room and throwing it all out
Putting more water to keep me from drying up
Let’s see what tomorrow will bring me
Is everything the same when I wake up tomorrow?

Part of Your History

I guess it’s still you
How I wish you could know how I felt when I looked at you
How I wish you could know how I felt when I looked at those pictures
How I wish you could know I gave my best to pretend all I could
Do we still have the same memory?
Does it mean anything to you?
Am I still counting for you?
Your words…
Do they still have the same meaning?
What I thought I could is just a thought
What I thought I would is just regret
I wanna feel those moments again
I wanna feel what you used to make me feel
Can we just return back the time and feel it again?
Can we just be us?
Can you just stay?
What did I do for losing you?
Maybe I didn’t try hard enough?
Or maybe it’s just you…
But you’ve said it all
You said all the things that make sense for me
It’s just you, isn’t it?
It’s not me at all
I’ve done everything
But it’s just you
Tell me it’s just you
Ask me to let you go
Say that you don’t care anymore
Then I can just be your part of history

Death

Tell me what you think if death is all you know...

People Grow Up

You think it’s the life
You think it’s the self
It’s just them
Having the relativity definition of growing up
To see what are there in the world
To judge what are there you see in the eyes
Does heart ever included?
People grow up
It’s the experience what makes them
It’s the thoughts what makes them
Definition of what normal is
Definition of what care is
Man-made definition is all we could get
Trying to search philosopher in self to bare own definition
To create the uniqueness in us or to be just what you see in eyes
Sometimes it’s the judgment what makes us
Do you have the heart to respond to that?

It's Me Again

Thought I was moving but I’m not
It’s still me with the same fear
With the same old mask
Thought I’d let go that feeling
Scared to death it will come back
And it is coming back
Seeing you never see me
Thinking about you never think about me
Wondering what am I to you
Remembering all those memories again
Trying to recap what I thought I had left behind
But it’s just me
Falling for you all over again
Trying to hate you when love is all I have
Never ask for more
Just a simple confession
You never say it
You never want to say it
You think it’s fun to play mind games
But I know
I always know
I just need your confession nothing more
I gave you my hand so you could feel all the complexity I had inside me
So could you?
Tell me, could you—when you say you could?

Start with Simple

Nowhere to begin
Complicated is all I know
Simple is complicated
I’m nowhere near to where I wanna be and where I should be
I’m sick of all the games
I’m sick of staying in the same pose as I’ve always been
Reality is simple
Dream is complicated
Pretending is simple
Letting go is complicated
Struggling is what I do best
Guilty is all you have
There’s no blame I put you into
Guilty is all mine
It’s hard to start when you’ve already known the end
Nothing to be afraid of when it comes to an end
Maybe it’s the judgment
Maybe it’s the betrayal
Maybe it’s just a feeling
Feeling is everything
When it starts with simple
Nothing is important
When it starts with simple

Sebut aja apa namanya

Posted by WhoKnew on the October 17, 2008

Aku sedih…
Badanku terbaring lemah seakan tak bertulang
Kesenanganku terhempaskan angin
Hatiku seakan bukan milikku
Perasaan ini…perasaan yang aku tidak inginkan
Perasaan ini…perasaan yang aku selalu takuti
Apa karena dia ?
Dia yang selalu menghantuiku dalam hari-hariku
Tidak seharusnya perasaan ini yang aku miliki
Tidak seharusnya hatiku terasa sakit
Tidak seharusnya raut mukaku termenung memanggil khayal
Di saat ini, pada detik ini
Seharusnya senang itu milikku
Seharusnya rasa puas akan keberakhiran yang tertinggal dalam hatiku
Tapi tidak saat ini
Aku hanya termenung
Memikirkan semua kesedihan yang aku tinggalkan
Memikirkan semua pedihnya rasaku
Dan pada saat aku kembali
Aku akan berharap aku tidak harus kembali

It's This Feeling

Posted by WhoKnew on the July 23, 2008

It’s this feeling
The urge I’m having
The fast heart-beating
The hard-to-breath moment
The breath-taking scene
Seems like I’m dying, but I’m still standing
I just don’t know how to move my body
Or even moving my eyes from you
It’s like brain dead inside of me
I’m reaching for your body
You’re not moving
I’m not moving
It’s this feeling
The feeling of wanting something
Something so close yet so far away
Seems like I’m stumbling on my two feet
I just don’t know how to get up
My eyes keep trying to wake me up
But it’s you
You’re always there
I’m just trying to reach you

Entah Apapun Namanya

Posted by WhoKnew on the September 1, 2007

Berjuta pikiran
Berjuta angan terbang melayang
Menjauh dari hati pada seorang manusia
Menjauh dari pijakan datar bumi
Menuju langit yang tak berujung
Hampa rasanya
Menjalani hidup yang sudah jelas tujuannya, tapi tidak ada siapa-siapa ketika menengok ke belakang
Hampa rasanya
Detik demi detik, hari demi hari dijalani dengan pertanyaan, “Kapan ini akan berakhir?”
Hampa rasanya berjalan melihat peta, tahu akan apa yang menjadi tujuan, tapi tidak tahu arah mana yang harus dituju
Berjalan melewati batu besar
Mengira hanya sebuah batu besar yang dapat dilalui hanya dengan satu lompatan
Tapi tidak
Ada dua, bahkan tiga dan empat buah batu besar yang harus dilalui
Letih sudah aku melompat
Letih sudah aku melihat batu
Berharap dapat berputar balik untuk memilih jalur lain
Tapi sudah terlambat
Kita tidak punya banyak waktu
Hanya dapat terus melompat, melompat, dan melompat
Kenyang sudah aku meminum keringatku
Kenyang sudah aku memakan dagingku
Hanya merasakan haus dan lapar akan sebuah pelukan hangat
Berharap dapat berputar balik hanya untuk mendapatkan sebuah jawaban
Berharap dapat kembali ke masa itu hanya untuk mengucapkan “Selamat Tidur” di depan wajahmu
Terus berharap, berharap, dan berharap
Hanya mampu berharap hingga kenyang dengan harapan kosong

Berharap berharap daN berharap

Posted by WhoKnew on the September 1, 2007

Menatap pada hampanya dunia
Mendengar pada sunyinya malam
Mencium pada udara yang tak jelas asalnya
Meraba pada kosongnya angin
Menanti, menunggu hingga kata maaf terucap
Memakan waktu hanya dengan memakan diri sendiri
Satu lagi tetesan air mata
Satu lagi kenangan-kenangan indah terlintas
Ingin membunuh, ingin mencerca, ingin mendendam
Ingin rasanya
Tapi bisa berbuat apa jika hati tak mengijinkan
Berharap pada sebuah kepastian yang sudah tahu akan menyayat batin
Berharap terus sampai gelapnya mimpi memanggil
Satu hari berlalu, apakah hari ini saatnya?
Hari ini tidak terjadi, apakah besok saatnya?
Hanya dapat bertanya pada sebuah keraguan
Lelah, letih, penat;
Tapi tidak ada satu ketenangan pun yang datang menghampiri
Memberikan berjuta-juta tawa palsu
Memasang wajah “aku baik-baik saja”
Namun satu detik berlalu pun rasanya tidak kurang dari satu jam
Terus mencari sebuah alihan untuk membuktikan kekuatan
Mencari sebuah alasan untuk tetap berdiri sempurna
Namun apalah artinya bila sebuah kerikil saja sudah meruntuhkan segalanya
Menatap, mendengar, mencium, meraba
Pada apalah itu yang mereka sebut namanya
Berharap pada sebuah kata maaf
Berharap pada beribu-ribu kenangan indah
Berharap pada berjuta-juta tawa bahagia
Yang tak bisa dirasakan saat ini…

6 Days to Remember

Posted by WhoKnew on the August 14, 2007

6 short days to remember
6 short days to call up all the memories of old friends
6 short days to create another happy moments
6 short days to be minus from 1 and a half year
6 short days as a life saver
6 short days to be hate coz it has to end somehow
Just for 6 days of my life that’s been more than 8 months
Just for 6 days has been everything since the first time I put my feet in this country of stranger
6 days to recover from all the pain, eventhough it’s not even closed with enough
6 days to be happy, as in real happy, full of smiles, full of sweet memories, and full of caring, eventhough thousand of tears will be shed after those 6 days
6 days to take a break from everything, eventhough there are lots of missing classes
6 days which I prefer to be my real life
6 days which I wish would be more than 6 days
But for those 6 days, I’d rather cry whole night and missing classes
‘Coz nothing compares to those 6 days I’ve had with my best friend than anything I have right here, right now
Nothing, nothing, and nothing
I just wish she didn’t have to leave that fast
But being thankful for the past 6 days is more than enough for me
Enough than never…

-Prissilia Tanita-
8th August 2007
Special dedication: -you know who you are-