Goodbye to You

It is finally figured out
Wouldn’t be a dilemma for me anymore
Real or surreal, it stays as a memoir to me anyway
I’m not sad
I’m not anxious
Just disappointment waiting for me to let it in
Maybe I could just keep my door’s locked and I’ll be fine
Maybe I could just stay numb like I’m always determined to be
I’m not fine
I’m not alright
But I’m stable with myself
I’m controlling my feet to move forward no matter how hard
No matter how those nails are ready to be pointed at me
At least I’m not falling
I’m just bleeding with holes
Bleeding and keep on walking
Leaving my blood behind as I’m recovered…again and again
It's not even started yet
It’s not your fault to blame
But it is a goodbye to you

How Do You Know?

It feels like ages
Having this numbness as my profitable friend
But not so numb anymore
How can you tell?
When a picture comes to mind, is that how?
When a heart beats faster till you can hear it even in crowded room, is that how?
My oblivion comes knocking on me
Offers me a contradictory
I would say I accept it
But how can I, if it’s not seen by my own eyes?
How can I, if it’s not heard by my own ears?
My belief…feeling is my massive treasure
My feeling…has been a numbness to my brain
I fall and stand up again with my own two feet
I have recovered and choosing the solid form of my thoughts
So when it happens,
How do you know again?

Stranger to Love

It is more than that
Choosing you among the faces I see
Reading your misery as part of my greatest adventure
It is more than leaving messages through your inbox
It is more than questions to ask
We may be surreal to each other
But what is real accompanied by pain and sadness
I’m not going to state you’re my friend
Coz what is friend to call without names in mind
I can feel your gloomy world
Trust me I can
But don’t say I’m them
Coz I’m not
Neither are you
See me through a big bright wall
I’m not transparent
But you can always feel I’m shining your eyes through my colour
I can’t be your summer in winter
I can’t be your reason to want to stay in this filthy world
But if it is ever too late
I just wanna say
We might be strangers to each other
But you’re my stranger to love
Please be alive until reality is ours

How Did I Get Here?

It was months ago I pulled myself away from the big black hole
Nothing more than a relief for my breath
It was weeks ago the shiniest sunshine brightened my dark sight
Everything was back in perfect straight line
It was minutes ago I heard steps of evil rushing back to me again
Anything can happen to me any minute
It was moments ago I freed my soul
And now I’m huddled back to the mass of dust
It was afternoon when I gasped clean air
Feeling lighter than ever
It is now night time when I try to haul away a sightless mass of rocks
How did I get here?

Lost Soul

You might call me typical
I’m a girl with a broken soul
Take me for granted all you want
I will be the nicest thing you’ve ever seen
Not the confidence that tells me
Just my shattered heart brings me to death
Bring me wherever I’ll be your whatever
Not my stupidity that ratifies me
Just my awareness carries me to hell
I want to be them
I want to be you
I want to be me
Once again, take me with you
Take my broken soul and shattered heart with you
I will show you how to live as one soul
I can drag myself along the way with you
And you can leave me restless by myself
There will be no grudge
There will be no vengeance
Just me trying to find my lost soul

Allow Me

Let’s not talk about me
There is the first for everything
There is the first of my fear
Nervousness for I cannot be in the place I should be
Breaking to the point of rules
Showing an absence for my appearance
I miss the whole charismatic person inside
Forget that moment
Just bring in the new one as a refreshment of my day
Not to say I reject calling the consciousness in me
For I have pulled myself out of bed in a perfect time
Let’s not put the blame on me
But allow me to ask your forgiveness
For I have stopped the words coming from your heart
Allow me to ask your forgiveness
For I want to put my ears back where I have missed
The moment I first step in
Placing my body in a proper position
The moment I do not start to hear but to listen
Not with my ears but my heart
Feel it the sun brightens as it is breaking the dusk in me
Stop that moment for I know I have seen the white in my black
From then until now some urge still comes rushing in
As I do not want to prove my shyness
As I do not want to prove my disability in giving you my voice
But once more
Allow me to ask for your mercy as it is all I can proof to you
As for your mighty heart
Allow me to say thank you for breaking the silence in me
Allow me to say thank you for melting my morning frown into laughs
Allow me to say thank you for keeping my ears down to my heart
Allow me…

My Imaginary Friend

Say hello to the wind passing through my eyes
Say hello to voiceless sound running through my ears
Say hello to the untouchable touching my skin
Becoming the best unknown space I’ve ever had
Crossing the line of reality and dreamless dream
For I cannot stand the loneliness I have had
It is me making the effort of creating something new
Someone to share all the complications
Someone to respond to all the anxiety
Call me sick for I want so
Label my name with eccentricity for I wish to
As I can breathe normally
As I can talk commonly
For no one knows who you are
For you
Say hello to my imaginary friend